Valentines Day

I almost did it this year.
I wanted to.
I held it in my hand. But actually holding it. It made me feel kinda strange. Not wrong, just strange. Like I didn't know how to actually connect with a future side of me.
So what held such power?
The Husband section of Hallmark Valentines cards.
I mean, I perused through the aisle and looked opened a few to see what they would say, but then it hit me.
I don't know this side of me yet.
It wasn't a blah, depressive thing. I just kind of stopped me.
I want to be able to write to him because I know him, I know exactly which card he would like, not just what I thought he would one day be.
It made me excited to know him, so I could know his favorites, know which one of those overpriced pieces of paper would actually make him smile or laugh.
It made me quite excited.
So I put the card down and decided to wait for another year.
It will be all the sweeter then.

I keep trying to write to him.
But maybe-maybe I am just not ready.
Soon...
I look forward to soon.